This section contains an item for each day of the year.

It's being published as a book but it's also available as a free download in the form of a PDF file.

Right click the link below and you can save the whole book in its published form to your hard drive for daily reference.

Today, you could... download.

January 1: Changing your life.

Do you want your life to be different a year from now? I assume so, otherwise why are you looking at this book.

If you don't want to end up in twelve months time back where you are right now then the first thing you have to do is make some different choices. There is a definition of madness that goes 'Madness is doing the same thing as you did last time and expecting a different result'. so, make some new choices and act on them

Starts today with something simple and easy, don’t set yourself up for failure. Write down now three ways in which today could be different, three changes you could make and would be sure to stick to. They could be as simple as tidying up a room, making sure you laugh three times or better, promising to make three other people laugh before you go to bed.

Whatever you choose write it down now, put the list by the side of your bed and check you did what you agreed to do before you go to bed tonight. If all you did was repeat this exercise with new items every day for the next year you life would be transformed.

January 2: Do you ever create problems to draw attention to yourself?

Just look back over yesterday, last week, last month or even last year and ask yourself this question. Perhaps, you didn't really create a problem as such, but merely highlighted one? Or, maybe, this doesn't apply to you at all?

If it does, however, you might want to spend time asking yourself whether this approach really serves your purpose. If you create a problem or make too much of one, it could help you attract attention from other people. But it would also leave you with a greater problem on your hands because of the energy you have wasted on it without being able to arrive at a solution.

Your challenge today is to come up with a way that serves you better.

Spend the next 24 hours without talking about your problems and see if this approach makes a difference.

 

January 3: An interesting quiz.

Write down the names of the following:

The three richest people in the world.
The three most recent winners of the Nobel Peace Prize.
The three most recent winners of the Oscar for Best Actress.

Now write down the names of the following:

Three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
Three people you know who have inspired you.
Three people who have made you feel special.

The people who make a difference in your life are neither the wealthiest ones nor those with the greatest number of awards.

They are individuals who have touched you, those people who have made you feel good about yourself.

Remember this when you are considering what is important in your life. Remember this when you have a chance to reach out to others today.

 

January 4: Suffering and happiness.

There is a story of a man who resolutely endured suffering all his life so as to be able to buy a single moment of pure happiness. One day, he bundled all his suffering into a large, heavy bag, slung it over his shoulder and headed to the market. When he tried to trade in his suffering, however, he was told that no exchange rate existed between suffering and happiness. For there is no way to happiness; happiness is the way.

All your deferred gratification doesn't enhance your happiness; it merely postpones it. Plans are useful, but they should be relevant to your present, not just focused on the future. They should aim at making you happy now, not at some unspecified later date.

Remember, the tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long for it to begin.

 

January 5: Keep a record of your victories.

It's a good idea to maintain a record of your past successes, big or small. Now you might think "I don't have any successes to record." In which case, start with the following one: "I made it this far." However traumatic your past may have been, whatever might have been the nature of the problems you faced, you wouldn't be reading this now if you hadn't made it this far. Indeed, the more difficult your life has been in the past, the greater is your triumph in surviving it.

For those who are less self-critical, I would suggest that you make a list of some of the successes you have enjoyed in life, along with the obstacles you have overcome and the occasions on which you lent others a helping hand. Dig deep and you will find many such examples.

Keep this record for tough times, when you need a reminder that life isn’t as hopeless as you’re imagining it to be. Keep this record for the moments when you feel helpless and not in control and your confidence needs that extra boost. You'll discover that it does make a difference.

 

January 6: Letting people grow at their own pace.

A man came upon a cocoon in which a caterpillar was slowly growing into a butterfly. He noticed that a small opening had appeared in the cocoon so he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body out. At one point, it seemed not to be making any progress at all, as if it had gone as far as it could and could go no further. Observing the butterfly’s plight, the man decided to help it on its way out. Taking a pair of scissors, he snipped off what remained of the cocoon, setting the butterfly free. He noticed, however, that it had a swollen body and small, shrivelled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly, expecting that at any moment, its wings would expand to a size appropriate for supporting its body. He also thought the body would contract in time to accommodate the increased wingspan. Neither happened. On the contrary, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around on the ground, it never was able to fly.

The story illustrates a valuable lesson for us all. It's so difficult to stand back and let those we love struggle to make it and sometimes it's right to reach out and lend a helping hand. But sometimes the struggle is what is needed so the person concerned can grow to be truly themselves and we would be unwise to get involved.

There is a skill involved in knowing whether to intervene or not in a given situation and we develop that by being aware we have a choice and that it's not always the best approach to reach out and help.

 

January 7: Slapped and saved.

Here's a story that holds a lesson for us all. Two friends were walking through the desert. During the journey, they got into an argument that ended with one friend slapping the other. The one who had been slapped was deeply hurt by the other’s behaviour, but refused to protest or retaliate. Instead, he remained silent and traced the following words in the sand: "Today, my friend slapped me in the face."

Walking on further, they came to an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and would have drowned, had it not been for his friend who ran to save him. Having recovered from the experience, the survivor carved the following words on a stone: "Today, my friend saved my life."
His rescuer asked him, "When I slapped you, you wrote in the sand. Now that I have saved you from drowning, you carve your message on a stone. Can you tell me why?" His friend replied, "When someone hurts us, we should record it in sand so that it gets blown away easily and is soon forgotten. When, on the other hand, someone does us a favour, we should record it in stone, so it will never be erased either from its surface or from our memory."

How do you personally respond to such situations? Do you let go of the hurt and hold on to the memories of the favours people have done you? Do you give equal weight to the injustices done to you, along with the favours? Or do you, perhaps tend to do the reverse of what the friend in the story did. If you do, perhaps, you could change this way of reacting both now and in the future, it's your choice.

Right now you could even let go of something you have been holding on to and replace it with a memory of a past kindnesses.

 

January 8: Trust or distrust?

This could be a book in itself. But here are some thoughts for your consideration:

Trust: Your heart and your mind, when they are in agreement.
Distrust: Those who claims that whatever they believe will work for you as well.

Trust: Whatever does work for you; it's a simple and effective test.
Distrust: Those who say there is something wrong with you and they can fix it.

Trust: Friends who are willing to give you their support more than their advice.
Distrust: All "experts" and systems that claim either to be unique or the best.

 

January 9: The unresolved past.

I'm not a great advocate of the habit of brooding on the past. The fact remains, however, that we each have a past and it can affect our present lives without us always being aware of it.

Here's a good test: If you find yourself overreacting to harmless situations and easily becoming angry, defensive or frustrated, then it's probably linked to an event in your past.

There are many resources available today to help explore such problems and resolve them. Sometimes, however, mere awareness of the past association is enough to start the healing process.

 

January 10: Does the resolve to be positive last forever?

There's an easy answer to this question. Positive thinking, motivation, determination and resolve don't last forever.

But then neither do eating, sleeping or washing. That's why we need to repeat these activities every day.

Good habits—as well as bad ones—need to be sustained in order to become a regular feature of your life.

 

January 11: A mind that is stretched.

"A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions." — Oliver Wendell Holmes

So here's a question, a challenge for you to consider:

If the alternative was to walk naked down your local high street, what risk would you choose to take today (nudists, feel free to come up with an alternative example)?

 

January 12: Where is the grass greener?

We are all familiar with the old saying, "The grass is greener on the other side". It means that we are attracted to what we don't have, often at the cost of what is already ours.

Here's another way of looking at this question: "Where is the grass greener?"

Answer: "Wherever you water it."

What grows is what you care for, put your energy into and nurture. The problem is that this truth applies to weeds as well as to grass and flowers. If you nurture your resentment, it will flourish. If your mind concentrates on forgiveness, this quality will grow and resentments will wither and die.

I'm sure you can come up with many more examples, including some that are relevant for you today.

 

January 13: Could you be holding on to suffering simply because it is comfortably familiar?

This question may well anger and upset you. If you have endured great suffering in your life, it can seem callous and insensitive if someone suggests that you might be deliberately clinging to memories of difficult experiences. I perfectly understand this might prompt many of you to answer my question with an honest and resounding "NO!"

But do take a few minutes to ask yourself the following questions:

What would you lose if you were to let go of your suffering?

What would you have to face up to, if you let go of your suffering?

 

January 14: Changing the world.

Here are a couple of rules which can transform your life and the world as well.

1. Be kind to others whenever possible.
2. It's always possible to be kind to others.

Kindness is not to be confused with weakness. It doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you. Kindness is a state of mind that guides your choice of action. You can't hold on to resentment and still be kind. You can't be angry and kind at the same time.

Today you can decide to let go of your anger and resentment and respond to others from a heart full of kindness.

 

January 15: Today, you could...

Today, you could remind those you haven't spoken to for a while that you love them. It's taking a risk of course, but then, that's what life is all about, isn’t it?

Today, you could start letting go of an old hurt or pain that has festered within you and begin to feel free again. You don't have to do it all at once. Just take your first step in that direction.

Today, you could try something new and change the direction of your life, it could even be something as simple as a new way of having fun.

January 16: Making sandwiches.

 

A man opens his lunch box every day and exclaims, "Not peanut butter and jam sandwiches again! I just hate them!"

At the end of a week of complaining, a colleague asks him, "Why don't you ask your wife to make you different sandwiches next week"?

"Oh, I'm not married," the man replies, "I make my own sandwiches."

Now, this is obviously more of a joke than a story, but then so is complaining about the circumstances in your life that you have created yourself. Yet most of the situations we find ourselves in are either of our own creation or because we are not prepared to pay the price required to release ourselves from them.

 

January 17: What do you want in life?

Setting a goal and moving towards it is not a method that works for everyone. There are those of you who just want life to take them where it will and are happy to enjoy the journey. There are others who find it useful to have an idea of where they want to go before they set out.

Once you know what you want in life, you can ask yourself the following question: Is the activity I’m now engaged in taking me towards my current goals or away from them?

 

January 18: Who or what is on your LTS list?

Since our time in this world is limited, it's worth having a Life's Too Short (LTS) list of things and people we can very well do without.

Here are some of the items you might want to put on your list.

Life's too short to do things that don't make you feel good about yourself.
Life's too short to be in places you don't feel comfortable in.
Life's too short to be with people whose company you don't enjoy.

Why not use these ideas to draw up a list of things and people you really don't have time for and act on it?

 

January 19: The difference between purpose and learning.

I don’t subscribe to the belief that there is a purpose in everything that happens to us. Some events in our lives are so devastating that it seems heartless to suggest they have a purpose.

I am convinced, however, that we can learn from everything that happens to us, no matter how catastrophic the event. It doesn't mean it has to be part of a larger plan, just that even the bad times can teach us something.

Look out for some unusual lessons you can learn from your past bad times and from your experiences today.

 

January 20: Why be unhappy as well?

"So your wife has left you, your business has gone bust and you think your children no longer love you. Why be unhappy as well?"
— Lionel Fifield

In addition to making you smile—I hope—this is a reminder that our feelings need not be entirely dictated by our circumstances.

We do have some choice about how we feel and can choose to emphasise those feelings that work best for us.

 

January 21: Moving the book.

During my counselling practice, I would keep a diary on the table beside my chair. Sometimes, particularly when clients were talking about a row they had had, I would push my diary a few inches towards the edge of the table. I would repeat this movement a number of times until, inevitably, the diary fell off the table and landed on the floor.

"So," I would ask my client, "what caused my diary to fall on the floor?"

"You pushed it," was the usual reply.

"Which push sent it down?" I would ask.

The answer was usually, "The last one."

Well, it depends on how you look at it. To my mind, each push was necessary for the book to reach the edge of the table before falling off it. Yet, it might seem to a casual observer that the last push was responsible for sending the book to the floor.

Here's the lesson to be learnt from this:

1. If you concentrate only on the immediate effect, on the drama of the moment, as it were, you will miss the pattern of events that led up to the situation in the first place.

2. Successful relationships as well as unsuccessful ones leave a trail of clues. It's worth looking back at them to get a complete picture.

3. The relation between cause and effect is not always a simple one. If an action is immediately followed by a change in the given situation, there is a tendency to conclude that the action itself brought about the change. That may not necessarily be the case.

 

January 22: Emotional and physical.

Society has devised all kinds of restrictions to curb physical aggression. The law seeks, and rightly so, to protect us all, particularly children, from physical abuse. There are few laws, however, to constrain emotional violence. Yet, this kind of aggression can do just as much harm, both to ourselves and to others.

Here's an interesting challenge:

Think about how you behave towards someone else, a friend, partner, parent, business associate or distant acquaintance.
Now, imagine if the words you use and the feelings behind them being turned into physical action.
A kind comment might assume the form of gentle touch, an unkind one that of a slap and a full-fledged argument might well become a no-holds-barred fist fight.

View today in this light:-

1. How do you feel about your interractions with the people you came across?

2. Might you have ended up breaking the law and being arrested?

3. Are there changes you need to make or people you need to apologize to?

 

January 23: What is sin?

The original word, "sin", is a term borrowed from archery. It means to miss the centre of the target. In other words, to miss the mark. The correct response to a sin, in this context, would not be to ask for forgiveness or be self-critical, but to stand up and take another shot.

When you watch a baby learning to walk, you don't criticize it if it loses its balance and falls. You don't interpret its inability to walk as a failure. You know that its faltering steps are just a process by which the skill of walking will eventually be acquired.

I do wonder why we are not as kind and understanding when it comes to ourselves. We are all still in the process of learning, and encouragement yields more positive results than condemnation.

 

January 24: The man in my local market.

I learnt a great deal from the encounter I am about to describe. I was attending a training course at the time and had arrived too early for class. So, to kill time, I went to explore the local market in my area. Checking out the stalls, I saw a man ahead of me who, I thought, resembled the boxer, Mike Tyson. He was standing with his back to me. He had a huge neck, criss-cross markings on the back of his head and the build of a weight-lifter. Even while standing behind him, I could feel an aura of physical force emanating from him that was intimidating. Understandably, I gave him a wide berth.

When I returned from the market and made my way to the room where the training course was being held, the same man was, of course, sitting next to me. And I had the pleasure of spending the entire day with one of the gentlest, kindest men I had ever met. When we parted, he gave me his business card. It read "Human Being" in the space people usually reserve for their job title.

I like to think of myself as a person who is not particularly judgemental, but this encounter showed me how far I still had to go to be free of preconceived notions. I carry the memory of that encounter with me wherever I go, so that I can retrieve it the moment I have a hunch about someone. It prevents me from jumping to conclusions about a person’s nature simply from my perception of their appearance or from my first impression of them.

 

January 25: The near collision.

He steered his motorboat upstream with the sun glinting on the water ahead of him. As his boat rounded a bend in the river, he saw another boat moving steadily towards him. Unable to see the pilot because of the glare of sunlight on the window, he sounded his horn briefly to announce his presence. There was no change in direction as the other vessel moved relentlessly towards his own. He cursed the amateurs who rented boats on this stretch of the river. He gave vent to his annoyance with a long blast on his horn and a wave of his hand, but instead of swerving away from his boat, the bow of the other boat turned in his direction. It seemed bent on causing a collision. Swearing loudly at the pilot, he wrenched his steering wheel in the opposite direction to avoid the other craft and turned to make what he felt was an appropriate gesture in the circumstances to the person who had narrowly missed causing both their boats to sink. The other craft passed close by and he realized that there was no one at the helm. All this while, he'd been cursing a vessel that had slipped its moorings and was adrift on the river.

Think about this story the next time you get mad at the bad weather, the late train, the lost keys and the crashed computer, among other sources of irritation. Very rarely is there a personal motive behind these situations; it just sometimes feels that way.

 

January 26: The greatest mistake.

The greatest mistake you can make may well be living life in the constant fear of making one.

Remember, few mistakes are life-threatening.

Most decisions can be reversed.

Most consequences can be dealt with.

Very little in life is permanent.

A life lived without running risks can become a life devoid of purpose, challenge, progress and, ultimately, meaning.

You don't die by falling into the water; you drown by staying there.

 

January 27: Some useful ideas about finances.

These suggestions may seem obvious. They might also seem unsympathetic to your situation. If so, they may not be for you. But do check them out first.

1. Wait for the cheque to clear.
Don't spend money you're expecting to receive. Only money you have in your account and over which the tax man has no claim, is truly yours.

2. Don't borrow to fund daily expenditure.
If you need to borrow money, do so to buy capital items. But always shop around for the best interest rates. Don't spend your loan on daily requirements.

3. There is a connection between risk and reward.
Most days we get to learn from the media of financial crooks who have ripped off members of the public by offering high rewards on low-risk terms.
There are no such genuine investments in real life, no sure-fire winners. High returns = high risk.

 

January 28: What would X have done about this?

We have a great ability to take the resources of people we know, people we have read about, people who are long deceased and even characters from fiction as advisers and use their wisdom to guide us in our lives. It is true that they can’t act on our behalf, but they may well be of help in showing us how to be most effective in choosing and taking action.

If you find yourself at an impasse at some point in your life, conjure up the memory of someone whose wisdom, energy and determination you admire. Now, ask yourself the following question: What would this person have done, if he were in my shoes? If the response you get is not of much help, try thinking of someone else whose way of dealing with the same situation could, in your opinion, have been effective.

This way all the worlds experts can be at your command to guide and advise you. You can also choose to remember this is just a technique designed to bring out the best in you.

 

January 29: The chainsaw therapy.

I was part of the large group attending a weekend course. At one point, the course leader addressed the class and invited anyone who was feeling tired, had a headache or whose mind was elsewhere to join her in the front portion of the room where she was standing and explain very briefly what was troubling them. In return, she promised to take away the feeling for a while. After each of the people who had volunteered to speak up had finished recounting their problems, the course leader vanished behind a curtain. We heard the noise of what sounded like a small engine starting up. Then she returned, brandishing a chainsaw. She moved swiftly towards the group of students gathered in the front of the room and it was only after she had got quite close to them that she stopped and switched off the chainsaw. Then she asked them, "Who is still bothered by the feelings they came up here to talk about?"

There was much laughter, a lot of it stemming from a feeling of nervous relief.

This incident set me thinking about how we tend to react when faced with what looks like imminent danger. The other, less important, issues in our lives get put to one side. While it's not healthy to have a permanent threat hanging over our lives, you might consider how a serious crisis could create a context in which you feel more empowered and, therefore, more capable of handling the less significant problems you encounter in your daily life.

 

January 30: The first step to change.

Whatever path you choose to follow, be it through self-examination, therapy or spiritual discipline, the first step in any direction has to do with increasing your level of awareness.

To become more aware, it's essential to take time out from whatever you’re engaged in and start observing what else is going on within you. You can describe this as contemplation, meditation, prayer or just being still and quiet. Whatever the name by which you choose to identify it, the process is virtually the same in each case. You can begin it here and now by sitting still, blocking out external noise and just noticing the messages your inner thoughts and feelings communicate to you.

Probe beyond the usual superficial stream of thought in your mind, let them flow by and concentrate on your underlying feelings. They may well tell you of changes you need to make in your life and of the areas that need more attention as well as of those that need less.

January 31: An old joke.

A man not famous for his intelligence is asked by a friend to help check his car indicators to see if they are working. The friend says, "I'll turn on the indicators and you look at them and tell me if they are working or not."

He gets into the car, switches on the indicators and his friend calls out, "They're working … they're not working ... they're working ... they're not working," as the lights flash on and off.

The truth underlying this old joke is this: The question, "Is this working?", is probably the most powerful one you can ever ask yourself. It's a much better question than "Do others approve of this?" or "Is this what I have been taught?"

 

February 1: Today, you could…

 

Today, you could take a risk with something or someone.
Who knows, your life might never be quite the same again.

Today, you could talk to a stranger or give someone a gift.
Who knows, their life might never be quite the same again.

Today, you could show compassion and consideration in all your encounters.
Who knows, the world might never be quite the same again.

 

February 2: If the same problem keeps turning up, it's probably about you.

Here are some examples:

If you keep feeling misunderstood, there's a good chance that you don't understand yourself or are not good at communicating with others.

If other people keep irritating you, it's most likely that you are easily irritated and might consider changing the situation by asking yourself why you react the way you do.

If you keep getting involved in unhealthy relationships, it probably means that you keep making poor choices about the people you spend time with.

If you think this just applies to other people, you’re fooling yourself. It may well apply to others, but it certainly applies to you.

 

February 3: There is no such thing as an insignificant contribution.

According to chaos theory, the beating of a butterfly's wings in Africa can result in a tornado in Florida.

In life too, a warm response can change the course of another person's life for the better, whereas a harsh word may well do just the opposite.

Live today as if everything you do has a consequence, for you will never know if it’s the big things or the little ones that have made the difference.

 

February 4: We do not see things as they are; we see them as we are.

Everything we experience we experience through our own unique set of filters, be it the big things like love and beauty or the more mundane such as the quality of a cup of coffee.

Important insights arise from this understanding:

1. Our communications are, at best, approximate.

2. Others do not see the world as we do and never will.

3. Ideas about right and wrong are often matters of personal judgement.

Today, see in what way you can show more tolerance for the differences in others; for you are just as different as they are.

 

February 5: Loving being in love.

Some people just love to be in love and who can blame them? It's a great state. Emotions run high and you feel you’re vibrantly alive.

It's worth remembering, though, that there is a difference between loving the state of being in love and actually loving the person you are supposed to be in love with.

If you don't make the distinction the chances are your relationship won't last.

 

February 6: Comfort, stretch and panic zones.

It's useful to look at how much of your life you spend in the following zones:-

Your comfort zone: This is where we feel most secure. It's fine to spend time in this zone, the trouble is that some people never step out of it!

Your stretch zone: Here we push ourselves to excel at what we do and explore beyond the known and the familiar. This is where we learn and, therefore, grow as human beings.

Your panic zone: This is where we know we have overdone it. It's not a place to visit very often or a place to linger too long in.

Now, what's interesting is the way these zones interact with each other.

If you stay in the comfort zone, the stretch zone shrinks and the panic zone expands.
If you regularly spend time in the stretch zone, the comfort zone expands and the panic zone shrinks.
If you regularly spend time in the panic zone, it tends to expand at the expense of the other two.

For example, if you want to enhance your fitness level, you might find that a short run is a stretch. As time goes on, however, your body adapts to the exercise and running a short distance becomes a comfortable activity for you. As a result, you need longer runs to stretch yourself.

If, like most people, you find public speaking a trial that plunges you straight into a state of panic, you can devote yourself to gently stretching yourself in that area through preparation and practice, so that you get accustomed to the idea and the activity. Once you do so, your panic will at least reduce.

So, right now, what can you commit yourself to do that will stretch you?

February 7: Waiting for the world to agree with you.

I once watched a television program about the workings of a well-known commune. A group had been formed to come to a decision about a logo to identify the centre. Its members had been meeting for over a year, conferring together about it and discussing it at length and yet had not reached an agreement.

I noticed how differently they were all dressed. Some had chosen to wear clothes in bright colours. They were the ones who were in favour of a brightly colour logo. Others wore outfits in earth colours, some of them simple, others more flamboyant. Each of them had chosen a logo that matched their preference for the colours they wore. I thought it was heartening that they weren’t able to agree on the logo. After all, they were individuals each with their own preferences.

However this also means that if you are waiting for the entire world to become exactly like you, Christian, Muslim, vegetarian, left-wing, right-wing, football fan or whatever, you are wasting your time. It's never going to happen.

Instead, rejoice in the variety of human experience. Ask yourself what each person can teach you. You will acquire more knowledge, gain keener insights and learn to be less rigid in your views and more understanding of others. And you won't waste your life waiting for something that isn't going to happen.

 

February 8: A news fast.

News broadcasters and writers have an important job in our society. They act on our behalf as they try and find out what is going on in the world and inform us about it. However, we should bear in mind that they are also ambitious individuals working for commercial organizations. And there is no doubt that bad news sells. It's easy for us to overlook that all news media carries a certain bias, for the simple reason that it is controlled by the ratings game. This is something the media itself rarely talks about.

Now, if you are in a positive frame of mind and feel good about yourself and the world around you, keeping yourself abreast of current events, even through mainly negative media reports, will do you no harm and poses no problems for your well-being.

If, however, life has dealt you a few knocks and you are not feeling emotionally up to par, I would recommend you go on a news fast. Your being informed about the world’s problems at a time when you are struggling to deal with your own isn't going to help either you or the world. So, take a break and switch off the TV when the news comes on. You owe it to yourself.

 

February 9: What would I try, if I knew I could not fail?

Write down three quick answers to the above question. Then look for the clues they hold to what else you might want to do in your life apart from your usual preoccupations.

Perhaps, you should take a small initial step? Or a giant leap?

We all have far more potential than we actually fulfil.

"Ships in harbour are safe ... but that is not what ships were built for." (John A Shedd)

 

February 10: What would the child I once was think of the adult I have become?

Take some time right now to review the opinions you had of yourself when you were a child. Perhaps, you wondered about what sort of adult you might grow up to be. Perhaps, you even debated about the sort of a parent you might turn out to be.

How does the reality compare?

You may be pleasantly surprised at how far you have come.
On the other hand, you may realize there are still some changes you need to make.

February 11: Is this important or is it just urgent?

 

It's very easy to confuse what is important with what is urgent. As a result, we end up spending more of our time dealing with things that are urgent and rarely get to attend to the things that are important. Sometimes, those close to us, important people in our lives, suffer because we are so taken up with "urgent" trivia.

An alternative question we could ask ourselves is the following: What would happen if I didn’t do this thing I regard as urgent and concentrated, instead, on something I consider important? Could I live with the consequences?

 

February 12: What is the bigger YES?

Sometimes, it's very difficult to say "NO" to the requests others make of us. Driven by the desire to help, we are likely to feel guilty about turning someone down.

At such times it could be worth asking yourself the question "If I say "NO" to this request will that enable me to do something of greater value?"

If there is something of greater value that you can do, perhaps even just having time for yourself, the "NO" can become a bigger "YES", the negative can become a positive.

Today you could put this into practice, at least once.

 

February 13: Let go of the past or the future.

 

Amazingly, some people keep a mental list of the times they were let down by their friends or partners. It is a list of every slight they ever suffered. The same people have a talent for choosing items from their list to toss into situations when the moment is ripe for creating the maximum amount of damage.

Of course, these are "other people" and you have never done anything like that.

But just in case you are tempted down this path, do remember that it's your choice. You either let go of the past or the future.

 

February 14: Love never dies a natural death.

 

The state of being "in love" can and usually does settle down over the years, but love itself, if nurtured, need never die.

What can kill love is a diet of negativity, particularly, negative comments.

Communication either builds or destroys. The choice is yours.

Perhaps, today could be the time to give extra care and support for the love that is in your life?

 

February 15: How can you ruin a relationship and grow old quickly?

 

The answer: Lay down too many rules.

It is said that every cigarette you smoke takes five minutes off your life. Well, there is a good chance that every rule you establish about how things should or should not be costs you many times more than that. What’s more, such rules can damage and destroy your relationships as well.

Relationships, like life, need to flow in order to evolve. The greater the number of blocks we put in the way, the more likely we are to prevent the flow and hold back the growth. And things that don't flow not only don't grow, they also tend to decay.

Today is the day you could choose to disregard one of your unnecessary rules and see how it feels when you go to bed tonight.

February 16: Tram tracks.

In the town where I grew up, there were tram tracks we loved following as we rode our bicycles alongside just for the fun of it. When our wheels sometimes got stuck in the track, we couldn't steer and had to stop to lift our bikes off the track before setting off for wherever we were headed in the first place. I've thought a lot about that as a life metaphor as I've got older.

Sometimes when we feel we are heading in the wrong direction we can make a course correction to get where we want to be.

Sometimes we get so stuck in our circumstances that we must come to a halt before we can change direction to correct our course.

Is today a time for minor adjustments? Or do you need to pause before going in for a bigger change?

 

February 17: A mental challenge.

Try to go for three days without entertaining a negative thought for more than five seconds. If one comes along, either let it go or replace it with something positive. If you fail to do so, the time starts again and you keep going until you have completed your three days.

The worst that can happen is that you become more keenly aware of your thought processes.

And the best could be a permanent change in your focus.

 

February 18: Who would you be without your history?

Go back to early childhood and imagine the way your life would have been had the circumstances been different. You may discover:

1. How the difficult times shaped the person you are today and that you don't wish to change them.

2. Areas of your life that were not fully explored or expressed and realize that you can do something about them.

3. Bottled-up feelings that have, in turn, trapped the real you and which you could now choose to release.

Who knows what may turn up? There is only one way to find out.

 

February 19: Who can put you down?

Well, almost anyone actually. It’s the hazard of being human.

People who have poor opinions of themselves often try to boost their fragile egos by trying to put others down. It's wise to remember when someone tries to put you down that this kind of behaviour says far more about the person indulging in it, than about you.

There's a difference between being put down and feeling put down. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

 

February 20: Take me to "The University"

 

This was the request a visitor made to her taxi driver when she was being driven around a historic town. The driver took a route past various colleges, the church, skirted the playing fields and ended up back at the railway station. The passenger argued over the fare, because she had not seen "The University". She had wanted one building she could visit so that she could say she had been there. Unfortunately for her, that's not what a university is.

The same is true of a relationship. A genuine relationship can't be confined to a single location, a specific feeling or a particular event. It is based on all these things and more. Above all, a relationship is an experience and your attempts to define or contain it will merely hinder all that you would have gained from it, so undermining its value.

Ask yourself: "What preconceived notions about my relationship do I need to let go of in order to allow it to flourish in the weeks ahead?"

 

February 21: A "manipulative" story.

I try to avoid stories that manipulate our emotions and milk them for all they are worth, but this one illustrates such a vital truth that it deserves inclusion.

A man stopped at a florist’s to order some flowers to be delivered to his mother who lived far away. As he got out of his car, he noticed a young girl sitting on the curb and sobbing. He asked her what was wrong.

"I wanted to buy a red rose for my mother," she replied, "but I only have seventy-five cents and a rose costs two dollars."

The man smiled and said, "Come on in with me. I'll buy you a rose." He bought the little girl her rose and ordered the flowers he wanted to be sent to his mother.
As they were leaving, he offered the girl a ride home.

"Yes, please!" she said, accepting his offer. "You can take me to my mother."

She directed him to a cemetery, where she placed the rose on a freshly dug grave.

The man returned to the flower shop, cancelled the order for the flowers to be delivered, picked up a bouquet and drove the hundred miles to his mother's house.

Draw your own conclusions from this story about who you need to get in touch with, whose contribution to your life you need to acknowledge and appreciate. Then act on it.

 

February 22: The fitted suit.

 

A man goes to "George", the famous tailor, to have a suit made. After selecting the fabric and being measured for the suit, he returns for the fitting. He puts the suit on and discovers that one sleeve is shorter than the other. So, George suggests he shorten his arm by raising his shoulder. This will make the sleeve fit better. The change of posture, however, turns up the collar. So, the tailor advises him to tilt his head to one side. This creates a problem with the other shoulder. So, his body has to be adjusted to compensate for it and this goes on. When the man finally leaves the shop wearing the suit, he is stopped by a passer-by who says, "I know only George could have made a suit that would so perfectly fit a cripple like you."

 

How much of your life do you live in a way that distorts your real identity in order to fit the image life has made for you and which the rest of the world thinks fits you perfectly?

Write down the three biggest changes you want to bring about in your life and the action you can take today to help you move in that direction.

 

February 23: Why are you being so nice to me?

In the film, The Breakfast Club, there is a scene where a girl from the wrong side of the tracks is being given a make-over by an upper-class girl she is sharing a Saturday detention with. The first girl asks the second, "Why are you being so nice to me?" And the simple answer is "Because you're letting me".

Just pause to think how difficult the act of giving can be, especially when there is resistance from the receiver. People are sometimes embarrassed about accepting anything from others. It makes them feel obligated, beholden, even vulnerable. The process of giving is rarely simple. Now, ask yourself how good a receiver you are. How easy do you find it to accept what others offer? Could it be possible that even as you’re resenting the fact that people don't do anything for you, you resist accepting what they are keen to offer? Phrases such as "It's easier if I do it myself" or "Others don't do things the way I like them to" could serve as clues to discovering if this applies to you. If you're not sure, ask someone close to you for their views.

Today, you could try accepting what people want to offer you. It could be a fulfilling experience for both parties.

 

February 24: What are you waiting for?

Allow yourself to focus on this question for a while. Be receptive to the message it conveys to you and you alone. Okay, you might be waiting either for a TV program to begin or for someone’s arrival, so that the two of you can go out together, but beyond the immediate context, what are the many things you are expecting to happen and for which you have put your life on hold?

Now ask yourself the following question: Is there an alternative to waiting?

Even if something important is supposed to happen tomorrow, you still have the chance to enjoy today to the full, don’t you? Why waste the whole of today simply in anticipation of what is due to take place tomorrow?

If you find yourself waiting for the "right" person or people to turn up in your life, you might want to check out whether you are enjoying the company of those who are already there.

If you are waiting either to start a job, go on holiday or merely for the sun to rise, don’t ignore the opportunities the period of waiting offers you.

As a minimum your wait will be all the more pleasant for it.

 

February 25: You don't find the light by studying the dark.

Counselling and therapy have their uses and have been of great benefit to many. If trying to resolve a certain problem on your own or with the help of friends isn't getting you the desired results, these are options you might want to give serious thought to. However, the purpose of such work must be geared to resolve your issues as quickly as possible.

You should examine your past only to the extent that it helps you to release its grip on your present. Repeated analysis of the difficult times you have lived through runs the risk of becoming a self-defeating exercise. If you are committed to improving your situation, your main focus should be on how you want things to be rather than on how they were before.

 

February 26: Others may travel along the same path but you are unique.

Reassure yourself with the thought that whatever you are facing is no different from what many others have faced before you. Most of them have survived the experience and even matured through it. Their experience and the manner in which they have come through it can be uplifting and inspirational for you.

The situation has its flip side, however. The triumphs of others can also become the stick we beat ourselves with as we ask ourselves repeatedly: They managed to do it. Why can't I?

This is the moment for you to remind yourself of your uniqueness as an individual. Just as your own fingerprints cannot match those of others, the problems faced by others while similar to your own, are never identical. So, don’t be harsh on yourself because of your inability to handle problems in quite the same way as others have before you. Rather, allow the way in which they have dealt with their issues to become an inspiration for you.

Be as kind to yourself as you would be with others. Always remember: They are not you, you are not them.

 

February 27: It's not the size of problem that's important, but the state of the person dealing with it.

 

I'm sure you will agree that it would be silly to try and run a marathon without being in peak condition, insane to start conducting an orchestra without learning to read music and stupid to dive into the deep end of a pool without learning to swim. Yet, we think nothing of trying to deal with major problems in our lives when we are least fit to do so and are surprised when things don't work out.

Devote time to yourself and your needs, even if it’s for a short while, before you spend time on your problems. The better you feel physically and emotionally, the more resources you will have when you attend to your problems. As a result, they will seem less acute and the solutions you find for them will be more creative.

Here are three pointers:

1. Get enough sleep. Almost everything seems worse than it actually is when you are tired.
2. Check you are in a positive frame of mind. How you approach a problem determines how difficult it will be to solve.
3. Enlist the support of others. Few things need to be faced alone and most people love to be of help.

 

February 28: Who could help me with this? (1)

 

People are often reluctant to ask others for help and use phrases like "I don't want to take up their time" or "They already have enough to do without having to do this for me as well" to justify their stand. Yet, the same people, if asked to help someone else, will say, "I'm so glad they asked me to do this for them" or "Pleased I could be of assistance."

Why not treat yourself with as much consideration as you would treat others?

Why not ask for help today?

If it’s not a leap year, you could even look at the item for the 29th February today.

 

February 29: Who could help me with this? (2)

If you could conjure up the image of anyone—living or dead, real or fictional—to help you, who would that person be and what kind of help would he or she offer?

Pay careful attention to the new insights the memory of that person brings you, acknowledge them as your own and follow the direction in which they lead.

Why not ask for and accept help today?

 

March 1: Today, you could...

 

Today, you could use your past mistakes for new learning and deeper understanding.
This won't make those mistakes disappear, but it could make them useful.

Today, you could ignore all outside distractions and move towards the important goals in your life.
You could always deal with the detail tomorrow.

Today, you could expect the best of yourself and end up exceeding your expectations.
At worst, you will have taken a significant step forward.

 

March 2: Possibilities in a relationship.

There are only three possibilities for the future of any relationship:

1. Stay as you are.
2. Change how you are.
3. Split up.

That's it; there are no other options. So, if you can't bear the way it is and you don't want to give up on the relationship, your only option is change. And to quote the oldest idea in therapy, "You can't change others; you can only change yourself." If you can't both agree on change, then the onus is on you.

Yes, that may seem unfair. You may be in the right, but that won't make any difference to the way things are.

How will this change your approach to your relationship today?

 

March 3: How to get a 200 per cent return?

This, by the way, has nothing to do with finance. I don't believe such returns are possible with financial investments, unless you are prepared to take unacceptable risks. It's not about sport either, as in 'He gave 200 per cent effort. But there is a way of getting a 200 per cent return:

By turning a negative into a positive.

Think about an unpleasant experience in your life. Instead of brooding about how it has hurt or damaged you ask yourself the following question: What have I gained from this experience? It won’t make the experience any different from what it was when it happened, but it may help you have a more balanced perspective on it.

Our hard times help us to mature. There may not be a purpose to our negative experiences, but we can help ourselves to move on by gaining positive insights from difficult situations.

 

March 4: If your thoughts were food.

If the thoughts that usually fill your mind were transformed into food and constituted your daily diet, how would you be feeling right now?

If negative thoughts about the past became food that was past its sell-by date…
If angry thoughts were transformed into unbearably hot and spicy food…
If hasty decisions were, in reality, a hurried meal gulped down...
If positive thoughts were the equivalent of fresh fruit and vegetables…

…how would your body be feeling today?

You might think this is just a metaphor, but in practice, what we put into our minds can affect us and have as important a bearing on our well-being as what we put into our bodies.

 

March 5: The magic rose geranium.

This is an old children’s tale. A lonely, despondent woman receives a gift from a friend. The latter tells her that the magic rose geranium she has given her is a special flower that will transform her life. Although the lady admits it's a lovely flower, she doubts whether it will have much effect on her life. Later in the day, she notices how the flower is making her table look old and shabby. So, for the first time that year, she spends the evening cleaning it. The next morning, she decides to clean the chairs that go with the newly scrubbed table, so that they won’t look out of place. And she carries on with her cleaning spree until she has covered the entire house. In a week’s time, not only has the house in which she has been living been transformed, but her feelings too have undergone a significant change.

This is a wonderful story, but what lesson does it hold for us? Take your pick:

1. When you let love to enter one area of your life, it spreads to other areas.
2. Make one change for the better and other things start to change as well.
3. Giving appropriate gifts to others and to ourselves can change lives.

 

March 6: Will this matter a year from now?

This is a great question and one way to approach it is to try and remember what was on your mind a year ago. What caused you worries as far as relationships, health, family, friends, work, finances and politics were concerned?

Now, which of these are still issues for you today? Chances are that most of the problems that troubled you a year ago do not cause you concern now or, at least, cause you far less concern today. And, yes, some of them may still be issues for you. But you probably either have plans in place for dealing with them or will do so by the time you go to bed tonight.

So, start with the assumption that the next twelve months will bring you similar results. Most of the things that trouble you as you read this, will be over and done with in a year’s time. You might, therefore, stop to consider whether you should allow them to bother you quite as much as they do right now. Of course, there might be certain problems you suspect will linger until this time next year. If they are the same ones that caused you worry this time last year you need to seriously consider taking steps either to solve them or to minimize the impact of the consequences they are likely to have on your life.

 

March 7: Good news versus bad news.

Here's the good news: Whatever troubles you now will almost certainly pass, either completely or to the extent that you will be able to deal with it more effectively.

Here's the bad news: New problems and issues will continue to crop up and preoccupy your thoughts in much the same way as the old ones did.

Problems are a sign that you are alive. If you are waiting for the moment when all your problems will be over, you had better start drawing up the guest list for your funeral, because the moment you are looking forward to won't arrive before you die.

However, a point may come in the time ahead, when you’ll have become so good at dealing with life’s problems you'll be able to meet them with a smile of recognition and the knowledge that it's only a matter of time before you put them behind you, leaving space for something new to come along.

Today you could start to feel that way.

 

March 8: To have what you want, you need to know what it is.

This seems like a very obvious statement. So, here are a few questions that might help you to understand whether it applies to you or not.

1. Are your goals stated in a positive way? For instance, "I want to stop feeling so despondent" isn't specific enough. "I want to go to bed tonight feeling my day has been worthwhile" is a lot better.
2. Can what you want be measured? For example, "I want to earn a specific" sum is better than "I want to have more money".
3. Have you established a time frame for achieving what you want? For instance, "Someday, I want to write a book" is not as good as "I will complete the first chapter a month from now".
4. Is what you want within your area of control? For example, "I want my partner to be more loving than they are" you can't control, "I will be more loving", you can.

The clearer you are about what it is the more likely you will be to get what you want.

 

March 9: Are we compatible?

This is a question couples and friends often ask each other. It's an important one, because compatibility in a relationship makes life a lot easier. The most compatible people aren't, however, identical in the way they think or feel. In fact, an element of difference is what makes our relationships exciting and stimulating and a stimulating relationship, you will agree, is almost always better than a boring one.

So, while a crucial test of a relationship is how compatible you are, just as important is the manner in which you deal with your differences. They do exist, even in the best of relationships, and it’s a healthy sign if you can discuss them with each other and have strategies in place to deal with them whenever they come up. Here are some thoughts that might help:

1. Have respect for each other’s differences. It’s not a matter of who’s right or who’s wrong, it's usually a matter of perception.
2. Keep aside some time to discuss areas of difference, particularly when emotions are not running high, and seek out points of agreement on how such differences can be dealt with in a positive way.
3. Look for areas of agreement that transcend your differences. At some level you are likely to discover that you want the same things in life.

 

March 10: When you die, your "to do" list won't be complete.

 

Life is a process of development rather than a string of events to be completed. However far you go, however hard you work and however much you achieve, you will never be free of "things that need to be done". To imagine that it’s possible is about as sensible as thinking there is one perfect meal and that if you prepare it, you need never eat again.

So, accept the fact that your "in" basket will never be empty for long and don't put your life on hold until everything gets done. Start to enjoying both the process and the current moment.

Ask yourself: What could I decide, right now, that would make my experience of today a better one?

 

March 11: Do my internal thoughts and question support me?

The thoughts you entertain, the questions you ask yourself, are almost always the outcome of the choices you make. No one tells you what to think. No one decides what questions you should ask yourself. If that is the case, it's reasonable to ask if you are making the kind of choices that work for you.

Examine the hour that has gone by.
How empowering have your thoughts been during this period?

How helpful were the questions you silently asked yourself?

See what changes you can make in the hours ahead. You deserve to treat yourself as well as possible.

 

March 12: The brothers’ choices.

Two brothers grow up in difficult circumstances and drift apart. Later, one gets in touch with the other and wants to know how he is.

"Well I've been on drugs and in and out of clinics for most of the last ten years," replies the other sibling. "I guess with both our parents being drug addicts, it's not surprising. And how about you?"

His brother replies, "Well with both our parents being drug addicts, it only seemed right that I should work in a drug-rehabilitation centre and that's where I'm calling you from."

Whether this is a true story or not is irrelevant. What it does illustrate is the degree to which the life you lead depends on the kind of choices you make. There are turning points in your life, times when the decisions you make will determine its future course. Those are the moments when you need to assume full responsibility for yourself and your future. The good news is that even if you have made some poor decisions in the past, it doesn't mean that you can't make better ones today.

March 13: The one-word answer to rejection.

If you live fully, participate in the activities of your community, have family, allow relationships into your life, are employed or run a business, you are going to have plenty of opportunities to experience rejection. It hurts to face rejection, certainly, if you see it as a personal slight or failure. And it's true that while rejection is usually more about the person who is responsible for it than about the one at the receiving end, it rarely feels that way.

You also live in a world of amazing opportunities. There are several billion people in this world. And there are certainly a few hundred thousand who would benefit from being with you, as you would gain from being with them. The same principle applies to jobs, manuscripts, designs and so on. Anything that is liable to be rejected also has alternative sources of acceptance.

So, the one-word answer to rejection is: Next!

March 14: Changing the "future past"

 

Most people look back with regret at something they have done or failed to do. It’s a natural, if unproductive human trait, because it makes no difference to what happened or did not happen. However, you can change what I call your "future past", because while you can't alter what happened a year ago, in twelve months’ time, today will have receded a year into the past and you can certainly change what you choose to do today.

So, here's a challenge: How do you propose to live today so that this time, next year, you will be able to look back with pride and pleasure at the outcome?

 

March 15: Today, you could...

Today, you could open your heart to the love and joy that surrounds you.
All you need to do is change your focus.

Today, you could see it as a privilege to experience everything that comes your way.
Even the difficult times can become a source of inner strength.

Today, you could look at the blessings that come from just being alive.
Particularly, when you consider the alternative.

March 16: It's not where you come from; it's where you are going that counts.

If history determined the direction of our lives, everyone with a similar history would end up in the same place. We all know that's not what happens. The past most certainly does not equal the future.

So, what makes the difference?

If it's not where you have come from that determines the course your life will take, it must be where you are going that decides it. And that's something over which you have a choice. Your past is a given. You can't change it. Whatever problems, failures or difficulties you have experienced before are behind you. You may still be dealing with their consequences, but the events themselves are over. From now on, it's your own direction that counts. You are more than the sum of your past experiences. You are also your potential, the promise you have within you. Today, you can realize your possibilities instead of repeating your history.

March 17: A lifted weight.

Consider the question: What can you do today that would result in your going to bed tonight feeling a weight had been lifted off your shoulders?

Interestingly, the answer may not involve a major decision or gesture. It could be a small thing that has been allowed to build up because it has been put off for so long. It could be a decision that you need to be communicated to other people or simply one you need to make in your own mind.

Today just hold onto the idea of a weight being lifted off your shoulders and aim for the feeling to be realised by the end of your day.

 

March 18: Is this one big problem or a series of little ones?

Many so-called big problems can be seen as a series of small issues clubbed together. Breaking the cluster down into individual issues can make the situation far easier to deal with. Some people have trouble making distinctions between major and minor issues. So, here are some leads:

1. Loss of a loved one is almost certainly a big problem.
2. Dealing with weight gain is a series of small problems.
3. A health issue could fall into either category.

Write down three problems you are facing right now and ask yourself which category each one falls into. It will help you to decide how to deal with the issues confronting you.

 

March 19: Life isn't an emergency.

Life isn't an emergency, but we often seem to treat it as such. As a result, we become fire-fighters rather than planners and apply first aid to symptoms instead of taking steps to deal with the causes. The most important distinction you can make here is between what is important and what is urgent. Then, using the categories developed by Stephen Covey, you can look at life in four quadrants:

1. Important and urgent: Usually, crisis issues.
2. Important, not urgent: Preparation, prevention and planning.
3. Urgent, but not important: Interruptions, pressing details.
4. Not urgent and not important: Trivia, time-wasting pursuits.

The quality of your life can improve by increasing the time you spend in area 2 rather than in areas 1, 3 and 4, which is where most people end up spending their time.

You could choose to spend significant time today in this important area.

March 20: Do people really change?

There is no bigger question in the world of therapy and this isn't going to be a definitive answer. But it might well be a useful one and a good stance to adopt in viewing yourself and other people in your life.

We all have some characteristics that, while undergoing occasional changes as our lives progress, so define our character that it will not change fundamentally. They are the personality equivalents of say, our height or the colour of our eyes.

There are also aspects of our personality that can evolve substantially. A timid person, for example, can become a confident one. An individual who is reticent about expressing his love for another might learn to do so. These changes are less likely to take place as we grow older, but the possibility of them occurring is always there.

What is more likely is that we learn to express our characteristics in more positive ways. Our personality remains the same, but its expression changes. From the point of view of an observer, it might seem as if we had undergone a more fundamental change. But we remain who we always were. We are just working things out in a different way.

 

March 21: What holds you back from doing what you want to do?

Before you do anything else, take a piece of paper and write down three things that you have wanted to do or even wanted to stop doing, but have yet to see this process through to the end. They are likely to be important things in your life, but they don't necessarily have to be.

Next, write down the main reasons why you have not made more progress on each item.

Look for patterns: What do each of these reasons for the lack of progress have in common?

Now, examine these reasons to decide what changes you need to bring about in your life.

Oh, and one more suggestion, start taking action to make your goal come closer—today.

 

March 22: Behind every action is a positive intention.

This thought isn’t meant to be a definitive truth, but a useful way of looking at the world. It's not intended to suggest that people shouldn't be held responsible for their actions. It does indicate, however, that it would be a good idea to probe beyond the accepted concept of good and bad and explore what underlies our notion of evil, so that we can identify an intention we all recognize within ourselves, even if its expression is abhorrent to us.

Now, if you have been hurt, betrayed or injured, it would be a real ordeal to ask yourself what the positive intention could possibly have been behind the deed. In fact, in situations where a great deal of pain, emotional or physical, lingers, it would be an unwise approach. But for those not directly affected by the trauma or in cases where its devastating impact has lessened over time, it can help to bring peace and understanding to a fractious and divided world.

You might want to spend some time thinking this one over. It challenges the conventional ways of looking at the world to such an extent that it could take a while for its implications to be clearly and fully grasped.

March 23: What happens to your negative thoughts when your house catches fire?

Indeed, what happens to any thoughts at all, positive or negative, to your headache, your fatigue, your apprehensions about future events, when a catastrophe befalls you? When you are focused on saving your life and that of your loved ones, along with your precious possessions, nothing else exists for you at that moment, because you are forced by circumstances to live in the present, in the here and now.

In the present, past experiences and future concerns cease to be a part of your consciousness so completely that they don’t seem to exist at all.

So, if you want to put past and future issues aside, don't set fire to your house; just start living entirely in the moment.

March 24: How to be a ballet dancer.

There are two ways to become a ballet dancer.

The first is to sign up for lessons, buy the appropriate gear, devote yourself to the requisite practice and audition for jobs available in the field.

The second way is to decide that you are a ballet dancer, to tell yourself that this is who you are. Then sign up for training sessions, buy the appropriate gear and so on.

Perhaps, the difference between the two ways doesn't even seem all that important to you. Spend today the way you would if you were already the person you wanted to be. Assume that you have already brought about the change you were hoping for in your life. And observe, when you go to bed, whether this approach has made any difference to your life.

March 25: Who do you spend your time with?

Before you read any further, write down the names of three people outside your immediate family that you regularly spend time with. Now, write down the names of three family members you feel or have felt closest to. They could also be parents who are no longer alive. Now ask yourself this question: Would I be happy to have the three people I love associate with the three people I regularly spend time with?

If your answer is yes, take some time to rejoice in the friendships you forged in your life. If the answer is no, ask yourself if you need to value your time and friendship more than you do.

 

March 26: A bull's-eye every time.

This is a lovely little story about a national archery competition in which contestants were asked to send in a record of how many times they had scored a bull's-eye. The person with the highest self-assessed score was invited to the city to meet the mayor. Everyone was surprised when this eight-year-old girl turned up, having claimed a score of 100 per cent.

"How could you have achieved such a high level of accuracy at your age?" they asked her.

"Well," she replied, "I take my arrow and draw it back very tight in the bow. Then I point it very, very straight and release it. Wherever it lands, I draw a bull's eye."

When was the last time you were satisfied with something you had tried your best in?
I'm not advocating lowering of standards, but sometimes, perhaps, today, it would be a good idea to give yourself top marks, to draw your bull's eye wherever your arrow lands.

March 27: Do you need a plan?

Do you need a plan to get where you want to go? Self-improvement books seem to repeat the mantra, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail," but I'm not so sure. It's certainly true for some people, but not for everyone.

Ask yourself: Is my current way of approaching life working for me? Is it getting me close to where I want to be? Am I enjoying the journey?

If you can give a positive answer to those questions without a formal or written-down plan to back it up, ignore the idea of setting a goal for yourself. If what you are doing now isn't effective in getting you closer to your objective, then having a plan or, at least, a better plan than the one you have already devised, would probably be a smart move.

March 28: The road well travelled.

There’s a famous book called The Road Less Travelled, based on a poem by Robert Frost. Here, I’d like to think about the well-travelled road that is, to my mind, of equal importance. Some people seem to thrive on forging their own path, a path different from that undertaken by others, and it works for them. But there’s nothing wrong either in following the course chosen by other people. There’s nothing to be gained from being different just for the sake of it.

When others have trodden the path to a positive goal, it might well be the right one for you too, and worth following. The wheel already exists; you don't have to go to the bother of reinventing it, do you? When you have a problem you need to deal with, it's useful to see who has been down the same road before and find out what worked for them.

March 29: When do you feel most connected? When do you feel least connected?

Spend a few minutes right now writing down three situations or experiences or even the names of three people that have contributed more than others to making you feel most alive, fulfilled and connected to the world.
Now write down three situations, experiences or name three people that have been responsible for creating feelings in you that are quite the reverse of those. Perhaps, they have made you feel ill at ease or even made you feel alienated.

Spend a little time studying the two lists you have just made and ask yourself if your life is well balanced and geared for your general well-being. Are you spending the overwhelming majority of your time on things and people that make you feel connected and the minimum possible time in situations that make you feel quite the opposite?

If not, mightn’t some adjustment be called for to correct the balance?

March 30: A half-full glass or a half-empty one.

This very familiar metaphor is supposed to reveal whether people have a positive disposition or a negative one. It’s certainly a good starting point. Here are some points you might want to ponder over:

To some extent, how you see the glass—and life—involves a choice. If you focus on its positive aspects, you will be able to enjoy them. If, on the other hand, you concentrate exclusively on the negative elements that is what you will end up experiencing.

There is, of course, the very real danger of overly optimistic people failing to see the glass as anything other than completely full. They remain oblivious to the negative possibilities in a situation. In such cases, a reality check is essential and should include a willingness to acknowledge the negative aspects in a given context. Suppose, for example, that you are in a relationship where you, the optimistic half of the couple, are incapable of recognizing the negative elements in a situation. You may well leave your partner with no option but to express or highlight only those elements to the exclusion of all else.

The question you should then ask yourself is this: In regarding the glass as half-full, am I deliberately avoiding a reality that is unpleasant or unacceptable to me?

March 31: What do you really want?

You probably have many answers to this question. Perhaps, you’re looking forward to a better relationship, improved health, weight loss, more money, promotion at work or a more peaceful world.

Now, ask yourself what all this will give you when you achieve it. Somewhere in your answer will be the phrase, "I will feel better because...," and it is likely to be followed by something event or change that lies outside your immediate sphere of influence and control.

What you really want is to feel differently, that is, better than you are feeling at present, right? And in all probability, you've attached a condition to the circumstances that you think is necessary for you to have this feeling. Now, suppose you had control over how you feel. Then you could create the desired feeling without relying on external circumstances over which you had no influence.

Now, ask yourself: Is it possible to feel the way I want to feel without achieving the targets I have listed?

If you can give a positive answer to this question you may find your life easier and more fulfilling.

April 1: Today, you could...

Today is the day you could treat everyone you meet with warmth and kindness.
Then notice how these feelings often come back to you.

Today could be filled with the most amazing possibilities.
All you need to do is change your focus so that you are aware of them.

Today you could start living the life you have always dreamed of.
Remember, even the longest journey starts with the first step.

April 2: Do your beliefs support you?

If there was such a thing as truth we would all agree on it and since we don't all agree what is true for you may not be true for others.
We need to treat such differences with respect but since you have chosen your beliefs you can ask if they are supporting your progress through life, and if they are not, chose different ones.

Here are a couple of typical disempowering beliefs:-
Life's a pain and then you die.
Other people will let you down.

Here are a couple of better ones:-
Problems are a sign of life.
Most people are doing their best.

What beliefs do you want to adopt and live by today?

April 3: If you knew you were going to die today, what changes would you make in your life?

This is a very tough question and it would be unhealthy to spend too much time thinking about your early death. But it is worth five minutes of your time, just to see what kind of thoughts it throws up.

1. Perhaps, you will look at some issues about relationships that you need to resolve.
2. Perhaps, you will have thoughts about taking time off for yourself.
3. Perhaps, you will consider dealing with something you have been putting off.

Whatever does come up, it's worth making a note of and considering what action you can take today.

It would be good to reflect on the progress you have made when you go, safely, to your bed tonight.

 

April 4: The benefits of an impoverished childhood.

The businessman was discussing with his tax consultant how best to arrange his financial affairs, so that after he and his wife died their his children would bear a reduced tax burden. In the course of the conversation, he expressed his concern over his offspring’s attitude to money. He felt he had grown up respecting the value of money and had never squandered it on trifles. His children, on the other hand, did not seem to share his attitude. The consultant smiled at him and remarked, "You can never give your children the benefit of a financially impoverished childhood."

The anecdote illustrates that it's the difficult times we go through that contribute to our growth and maturity and the challenges we face and overcome are usually our greatest source of learning.

Write down three problems you have faced and overcome in your life and ask yourself how you have benefited from having dealt with them.

 

April 5: The farmer and the corn.

This is a story about a farmer who was being interviewed by a journalist because he had grown award-winning corn.

"The secret," said the farmer "is that I share my corn with my neighbours."
"How can you afford to share your best seed?" the reporter asked him.

"Well," said the farmer, "the wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and scatters it over field after field. If my neighbours grew inferior corn, cross-pollination would steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbours to grow it too."

Those who choose to be at peace must help their neighbours to be at peace too.
Those who choose to live well must also help others to live well.
Those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness as well.
The value of a life is measured by the lives it touches.
The good in each one of us is bound up in the good of us all.

April 6: What would happen if you did nothing?

A decision to do nothing is still a decision and in a world obsessed with activity not taking action can, sometimes, be a viable option. Not every problem needs to be solved. Indeed, not every problem can be solved. Certain things just have to be tolerated or lived with, while others are best left alone.

The skill lies in learning to distinguish between those situations where action is appropriate and those where it's best not to try and change things. It can be the bes thing, once in a while, to say to yourself, "Don't just do something; sit there."

Often, people who have been rushed to hospital because of a medical emergency, come out days or even weeks later, to discover that all the urgent things they needed to do have either already been done by someone else, no longer need attention or have turned out to be not so very urgent after all. You don't really need to wait for an emergency to bring about a similar situation in your own life.

It would be interesting today to take something that’s been on your mind, decide just to let it be and observe what happens.

April 7: The bank.

What would you do if an amount of £1,440 were deposited in your bank account every day on the condition that you spent it all by the end of the day, failing which the balance would revert to zero? My guess is that you would try and spend the money each day in a manner guaranteed to ensure that it would be of maximum benefit to you on that particular day.

The sum involved may well be familiar, it's the number of minutes in each day and the truth is what you fail to spend to your benefit day does not get carried forward. The balance is wiped clean. Each day is a new account, you can't borrow, you can't save.

Make the most of today, it's the only time you're going to experience it.

April 8: Keeping a journal.

"If your life's worth living," said Anthony Robbins, "it's worth recording."

Maintaining a journal is much more than simply recording your life. I know of no better or more important tool for becoming the person you want to be.

It's a place where you can record your best and deepest thoughts, jot down your aims in life, plot its future course, hold yourself to the high standards you have set yourself and explore any past issues that are currently affecting you.

A journal can help you to know yourself as you would an intimate friend. It can act as your adviser and be a source of inspiration and guidance for you. By all means, write down the events and incidents that make up your life, but the opportunities presented by a journal are far wider than that.

Perhaps, you could start a lifetime habit today by maintaining a journal?

April 9: Gossip.

"There's only one thing worse than being talked about, and that's not being talked about." — Oscar Wilde

That might be sound very witty, but I'm far from sure it's true, particularly, when I observe the harm caused by malicious gossip. I don't mean the kind of talk targeting celebrities who often wash their dirty linen in public and open their personal lives to scrutiny and comment, though I concede they have feelings like everyone else.

I’m referring to the kind of remarks made when so-called friends get together to talk about mutual acquaintances behind their back. I’m sure you must have noticed how often the information exchanged during these sessions is negative and damaging.

Here are some questions you might want to ask yourself:

How would this person feel if he or she were in the room with you?
How would you feel if similarly comments were being made about you?
What’s your responsibility, even if you are just listening to others?

April 10: You can't possess another person, but you can nurture a relationship.

If you see a beautiful flower in a garden and pluck it to take home with you, it may give you some pleasure for a few days, but will eventually die. If you leave it in its own soil, water it and nurture it, it will give you pleasure for many seasons.

Wanting security, particularly in a relationship, is a natural human instinct. But grasping at something instead of nurturing it is a short-term strategy unlikely to yield long-lasting dividends.

 

April 11: The knight and the wolf.

A knight returned home from battle and went directly to the nursery to see his infant son. When he entered the nursery, he found blood everywhere and the family dog lying in the corner. Overcome with grief and anger, he took out his sword and slayed the dog, assuming that it had fatally mauled his baby. On closer inspection, however, he noticed a dead wolf lying on top of his infant son. When he lifted the carcass of the animal off his son’s body, he discovered that the baby was alive. Realization dawned at last that his dog had killed the wolf in order to save the baby’s life and that he had killed the very animal that had saved his son.

Just spend a few moments thinking of an unfair judgement you might have recently made about the words or actions of another person. Could you have been partly or even completely wrong in your assessment?

 

April 12: Now that you know better, do better!

Understanding that is not translated into action is futile; indeed, one might say it isn’t any kind of understanding at all.

Unless what we have learnt is grounded in what we do, that knowledge is of little benefit to ourselves and of no use at all to those around us.

It's worth taking a few minutes off from your usual activities today to check if what you now know is being expressed in what you do.

 

April 13: What would you do, if no one knew who you were?

Imagine a situation in which you suddenly find yourself living in another country. Everyone speaks your language, but no one knows your history. And while you were being transported to this new place, you also lost, along with your luggage, all your former convictions and preferences. So, you are safe and secure, but unknown.

What would you choose to do for a living?
What sort of people would you seek out as your friends?
What would you prefer to believe?
What would you do for fun and entertainment?

Now, check your answers to these questions and see whether they differ from the life you are actually leading right now. Then ask yourself one last question: Do I need to start making changes in my life?

 

April 14: You are more powerful than you imagine.

 

Mark was walking home from school, when he saw the boy ahead of him trip and drop a big pile of books he was carrying. Mark knelt down and helped him pick up the scattered books. Since they were going the same way, he helped carry part of the load. As they walked along together, Mark discovered that the boy's name was Bill and that he loved video games, baseball and history. He came to know, however, that Bill had a lot of trouble with other subjects and that he had just broken up with his girlfriend. They continued to see each other around school and became good friends.

Six years later, after high-school graduation, when they were going to college in different towns, Bill asked Mark, "Did you ever wonder why I was carrying so many things the day we first met? You see, I had just cleaned out my locker, because I did not want to leave a mess for anyone else. I had saved some sleeping pills from my mother’s stock and was going to commit suicide. But after we spent some time together, talking and laughing, I realized that if I had killed myself, I would have missed those happy moments with you and so many others that might follow. When you helped me, you did not only pick up my books. You saved my life."

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture, you could change a person's life, for better or for worse.

April 15: Today, you could...

Today, you could try and respond with new energy and determination to the challenge of life.
You could keep pushing, until the door opens for you.

Today, you could be just one step away from a real breakthrough.
And the only way to find out if, indeed, you are, is to take that step.

Today, you could suspend your judgement of others and look at them with new eyes.
You might be pleasantly surprised at the discoveries you make or feel the need to protect yourself more.

 

April 16: Three things that went well.

This is a well-researched approach to creating, improving and maintaining a positive mindset.

Each day, write down in your journal three things that have gone well for you. Add your views on what you believe are the reasons for this. The original experiment that was carried out along these lines suggested keeping up this practice for a week. The results in terms of a mood change for the better and an increasingly positive approach were very impressive. It was also clear that the longer the participants continued with the exercise, the more marked were the results.

Why not start this exercise right now? Review the last few days and write down the first three things that have gone well for you.

April 17: Aeroplanes are rarely on course.

Ask any pilot and they will confirm this. Although they know their destination and plan their route in advance, they must spend a large part of the journey making corrections as external factors force them to move off course. Sometimes, they have to make major adjustments to avoid storms and turbulence. On other occasions, minor ones are necessary to allow for wind changes. But they still arrive safely at their chosen destination.

It's interesting, how some people feel they should be able to go straight to their objectives without encountering a single hindrance, sometimes even giving up if they are blown off course.

What's important is the following: You should know where you are going and also be aware if adjustments need to be made along the way.

Don't give up on your dreams. Just be prepared for the occasional detour.

 

April 18: If you want something, try asking for it.

It sounds very simple. But a great deal of research has shown that people are reluctant to actually ask for what they want either out of a misplaced sense of courtesy or fear of rejection or of social embarrassment. There are also people who make this request in so tactless manner that it doesn't encourage a positive response.

Here are some useful guidelines to help you ask for what you want so that your request is heeded:

Approach someone who you know can supply what you need; otherwise, there's little point in making the request.

Be specific; make it clear what you want and when you want it.

Ensure that your request is expressed with courtesy. Don’t demand, threaten or plead. Be prepared for the eventuality of a refusal.

Sounds easy? Why not find out? Experiment by asking for something you want today.


April 19: If you wrote yourself a letter, would you be upset to receive it?

I guess this sounds like a silly question. If you already know what you wrote, why would reading it upset you? But then, consider the following:

Have you ever brooded over something and ended up feeling upset as a result?

Have your thoughts ever lingered on a past slight and caused you to become tense and unhappy?

Have you ever recalled a bad time you’ve been through and experienced the pain all over again?

Remember: Your thoughts are not created by events. They aren’t created by other people either. They are created by you alone. And they are the letters you write to yourself.

 

April 20: What did you enjoy as a child that you would enjoy doing now?

A simple question and worth a few minutes of your time today.

Just write down five things you enjoyed when you were young. It could be kicking leaves as you strolled along a street, being read to or whatever is relevant for you. If you can't come up with five such experiences, write down things you think you would have enjoyed had you been given the opportunity.

Now, next to each one of these items, write down a related experience you could enjoy here and now as an adult. Then try out a few to see how they feel. Here are some examples:

Being read to: Listening to books on a cd or your MP3 player.

Kicking leaves: Kicking leaves, it’s still fun..

Being hugged: Hugging someone.

It's amazing how many fond childhood experiences are still available to us as adults.

 

April 21: Footprints in the snow.

If you look at a trail of footprints in the snow, you might think you know in which direction the person making them is headed. But you might well be mistaken in your assumption. All you can actually tell is where the person who made the footprints came from and where he has been. The footprints are a record of the past, not the future. At any time, the person could change direction or even set off to cover a different terrain.

This can be a metaphor for you life if you want to make it so. Your past does not equal your future. Others may think they know the direction in which you are heading, whether it’s in the long term or the short term, but you can, at any moment, change direction and go somewhere new, thereby surprising people, even those who know you well.

Your history does not direct your path. It might be a burden you have to carry for a while, but it does not decide where you will go. Only you can do that.


April 22: It's difficult to forgive people we have harmed.

This, perhaps, needs to be read a few times before its real meaning can sink in, because it's counter-intuitive. Logically speaking, if we have harmed someone, it's they who should be doing the forgiving. Despite that being true the offender also finds it hard to forgive.

Look back to situations where, rightly or wrongly, you have ended up feeling guilty. Ask yourself whether you haven’t sometimes reacted with anger, particularly, when you yourself were at fault.
So, when your reaction to someone is negative, it's worth asking yourself a couple of questions:

1. Have I wronged this person in some way?

2. Does he have a trait or habit that reminds me of something in me I don't like?

Of course, there are occasions when we have a negative attitude to people simply because they are not very nice to be with. Sometimes, we need to take things at face value, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. But it’s always worth exploring such situations to find out the root cause of our reactions.

Conversely, when someone is unreasonably angry with you, it's worth asking the same questions about them. You may well gain some new insights into their character.

 

April 23: Is it ever too late to have a happy childhood?

Despite the obvious appeal of this piece of bumper-sticker philosophy, I regret to say that the answer is: Yes, it is.

1. I don’t mean it's too late to introduce some childlike fun into your adult life. Indeed, the fact of growing older seems to offer more opportunities for doing so.
2. I don’t mean either that you can’t take the initiative, perhaps, with the help of others, to deal with and resolve some negative aspects of your past life.
3. And I don’t mean that you can't acquire a more positive perspective on difficult memories.

What I do mean is that at some point in your life, you have to come to terms with your past, however difficult it might have been, and that all the support and solace in the world won't change what happened to you. It might well prepare and empower you to deal with the issues you find so difficult. But the fact remains, that a time will come when you must decide to move forward instead of looking back.

Therapy which does not focus on the objective of looking at the present and the future instead of obsessing about the past is unlikely to offer a solution that will be both realistic and sustainable.

 

April 24: The precision of numbers.

There's a beautifully poignant episode in the Woody Allen-Diane Keaton film, Annie Hall, where a split screen shows the two of them in therapy, complaining about their poor sex life.

"He wants it all the time, three or four times a week," she declares.

"She never seems to want it, at best two or three times a week," is his grouse.

The viewer realizes that three times a week might not be a bad average for both of them.

Often, what seems like a wide gap can be considerably narrowed down, if it is seen in terms of numbers. If nothing else, the process lends a given situation greater clarity and paves the way for a compromise.

Try defining some issues over which you disagree by using say, a 1-10 scale. The difference of opinion that separates you might be a lot less than you think.

 

April 25: It's difficult to be yourself when you're trying to please others.

Almost everybody likes to be liked; it's a normal human instinct. It's also a mark of maturity to be able to accept that people being so different from one another, not everyone is going to like you or approve of what you say or do. The same word or deed may be appreciated by one person and criticized by another. Pleasing everyone is just not a practical proposition.

The price you end up paying for your efforts to achieve the impossible is that you lose touch with who you are by trying to be a different person to win the approval of each person you meet. It's just not worth the effort.

It’s far better to concentrate your energies on overcoming your eagerness to please. It's nice to be pleasant. That's something you can control. But pleasing others is dependent on their reactions and beyond your immediate sphere of influence. By trying to adapt yourself to how they react, you risk ending up losing yourself.

 

April 26: What music can you make?

 

The violinist, Itzhak Perlman, was stricken with polio as a child. He wears braces on both legs and walks with the help of a pair of crutches. To watch him make his slow and painful way across the stage, one step at a time, is not an experience one can easily forget. There is a certain majesty in his laborious progress towards his chair. Then he sits down slowly, places his crutches on the floor, undoes the clasps of the braces on his legs, tucks one foot back and extends the other foot forward. Bending down, he picks up the violin, positions it under his chin, nods to the conductor and proceeds to play.

By now, the audience is used to this ritual. For every performance of his, they sit quietly, while he makes his way across the stage to his chair. They remain reverently silent as he undoes the clasps of the braces on his legs. They wait patiently until he is ready to play. But on one occasion, something went wrong. In the middle of the performance, one of the strings on his violin snapped. You could hear the sound like a gunfire shot across the room. There was no mistaking what that sound meant.

People who were there that night thought to themselves: "We figured that he would have to put on the clasps again, pick up the crutches, rise from his chair and limp his way off-stage—to either find another violin or else another string for this one."

But Perlman didn't. Instead, he waited a moment, closed his eyes, then signalled the conductor to begin again. The orchestra began and the violinist played from where he had left off. And he played with the kind of passion, power and purity they had never heard before. Of course, everyone knows that it is impossible to play a symphonic work with just three strings. I know that and so do you, but that night, Perlman refused to acknowledge it. When the performance drew to a close, there was an awesome silence in the room. And then people rose and cheered.

Perlman smiled, wiped the sweat from this brow and raised his bow, asking for silence. Then he said, not boastfully, but in a quiet, pensive, almost reverential tone, "You know, sometimes, it is the artist's task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left."

Some stories need no further comment.

 

April 27: What is the best use of my time right now?

There is no more effective question to ask yourself on a daily or even hourly basis.

After all your planning and all your thinking, all your wishes and all your anxieties, you, like everyone else in the world only have here and only have now in which you can take action.

This moment will not return, time doesn't care if you spend it well or badly, it just goes on passing. That doesn't mean you should be in a rush, that's rarely an effective use of this limited resource.

What this question does is ask you to stop, reflect, decide and then move forward in a direction you can own as yours and with a plan you have created.

 

April 28: The more you celebrate in life, the more there is in life to celebrate.

Celebration is a habit to be cultivated. Often, areas of our life that work well can pass unnoticed, while the difficult issues tend to engage more of our attention. As a result, we risk losing our perspective on life and lend our problems greater magnitude than they rightfully deserve.

So, write down today three reasons to give thanks, to celebrate. Add another one to your list tomorrow and carry on in this manner until next week, so that a week from now, you will have ten such reasons on your list. Keep the list with you and read it every day, adding to it as and when other such reasons come to mind.

Next time you are passing through a difficult phase in your life, take a few minutes to read this list before you look for solutions to any problems you might be facing. It won't change the nature of the problem, but it will certainly put you in a better state to deal with it.

 

April 29: Meditation.

Rarely has such a simple subject been made so complicated by various belief systems, experts, gurus and adherents. Meditation is not necessarily a support to everyone. Nothing, in fact, is universally applicable to all and sundry. Meditation can be a spiritual practice, but doesn't automatically have to be. It's always simple, but can often be difficult as well.

Will it work for you? Here's how to find out:

Sit in an upright position, either on a chair or on the floor.
Close you eyes or just look downwards.
Concentrate on your breathing. Count 1 as you inhale and 2 as you exhale.
Carry on until you reach 10. Then start counting again.
Practice for five minutes, preferably at the same time every day, and build up to fifteen minutes.

That's it. Do this for a month and if it makes you feel more relaxed about your life, you might want to explore more sophisticated techniques which are nothing but more refined versions of what I have just described.

If you don't feel any difference even after a month of practice, meditation is probably not for you.

 

April 30: "Another King rose over Egypt who did not know Joseph"

I'm not normally one to quote religious texts, but this is the favourite quote of a dear friend and intended as a warning against putting too much faith in an individual in a position of power or influence.

I remembered it when we chose a school for our son, based on a charismatic speech by the head teacher who laid out in detail the exciting plans he had in mind—then left at the end of the term.

In any decision involving others, be it in relation to a job, education, location and so on, it's worth finding out whether our choice can stand on its own without the prop or influence of a particular person who might currently be a determining factor in our calculations. It's worth asking yourself the following question: "If they weren't there, would I be?"

It might not change you decision, but you would, at least, be making a better-informed one.

May 1: Today, you could...

 

Today, you could enjoy every step of the journey that is life.
Don't wait till you get to your destination to experience the pleasure.

Today, you could make a small adjustment in the direction you have chosen.
And this time next month, you will find that the difference between where you had expected to arrive and where you have, in fact, arrived, will be significant.

Today, you could cherish your dreams.
However unrealistic they may seem now, they represent something important about you.

May 2: What if your feelings were just decisions you made?

Would you choose to have the feelings you are experiencing right now?

If not, how would they be different?

I'm not suggesting that all our feelings are completely within our control; that seems to me an unrealistic position to take. But we can exercise our influence over most of our feelings to some degree.

So, if the discrepancy in your life between how you feel and how you want to feel is fairly wide, take a risk. Start behaving as if you could just decide to feel differently about things.

It might not do away with the gap altogether, but it may well minimize it. For that alone, it is worth making the effort.

 

May 3: Right now, there are people in this world who believe they would be happy if they had what you have.

I've never taken much comfort from the there's-always-someone-worse-off-than-me approach to life. It seems to suggest that the suffering of others should, somehow, make you feel better.

However, the idea that other people actually believe they would be happy if they had what you have, might make you pause to consider how many of your concerns and worries arise from how you have chosen to think about them.

You could spend today appreciating how lucky you are.

 

May 4: Do you tell your story to let go of it or to hang on to it?

It can be therapeutic to tell your story to others, to explain the difficulties you have experienced. You need to ask yourself, however, whether by doing so, you are relinquishing your negative feelings about the past, clinging onto them or even allowing them to build up.

The clue to the answer lies in examining the effect the process has on you. As you talk about them, are your negative feelings subsiding, staying the same or increasing?

If the process of talking does not reduce your feelings, you may need to modify your approach, perhaps, even stop sharing your experiences with others.

 

May 5: You can't save time; you can only spend it—wisely or foolishly.

All you have at your disposal is the present. You have no choice at all as to whether you should spend it or not. If you do not appreciate the moment before you, including this one, and fail to use it to your best advantage, it will have spent itself and be gone, never to return. Where you do have a choice is in the manner in which you decide to spend the present.

Time spent either brooding over the past or speculating about the future is definitely not an intelligent use of the limited resource that is the present.

Of course, it makes sense to invest some time now in an activity that will yield benefits in the future. This might include planning a holiday or learning a skill, among other things.

The trick is not to regard the anticipated benefit as just in the future, but to find ways of enjoying the process here and now, today.

May 6: Who's in charge if you're not?

It's so easy to blame others, be they parents, partners, big business, unions or government. But the result is that they are the ones in charge of your life.

However powerless you may feel at times, it is best to act as if you were in charge. By doing so, you increase your chances of getting what you want.

May 7: What if you won first prize in a competition?

And were allowed to choose one—but only one—of the following:

1. To have a secure income, allowing you to live in comfort for life.
2. To have an extra seven years of additional healthy living.
3. To have invented something significant, but without any personal credit.

Which of the above would you choose and what does the choice say about you as an individual?

May 8: What do you fear most and how are you working to overcome it?

You've probably heard the expression, "You have nothing to fear but fear itself". Well, it certainly contains elements of truth, though it rarely feels like it. What is important here is to recognize what you fear and identify it by giving it a name.

So, right now, write down three of your greatest fears. When you've done that, you have already taken the first and, possibly, the biggest step forward in trying to conquer your fear.

What we name and, thereby, give concrete shape to, we can deal with.

What remains formless and unarticulated grows to assume unmanageable proportions.

Next, against each of the fears you have listed, write down one action—not necessarily a major one—that you can take in the next forty-eight hours to overcome it.

If you take this action and repeat the process over the next thirty days, you will notice that a month from now, your fears are going to be significantly less.

 

May 9: Choice is not the same as freedom.

Choice usually operates within a framework. For example, we have a choice of careers to pick from or a choice of films to see.

True freedom involves stepping beyond all frameworks and creating a world entirely of our own making.

It may still resemble the one we are already living in, but we can claim it as entirely our own.

 

May 10: Today, you could...

Today, you could undertake a mission to make people smile.
Keep score. Try and reach double-digit figures, then add one, because you won't make it without smiling yourself.

Today, you could observe children, on TV, playing in the park etc.
A child has this unique ability to enjoy himself thoroughly. Remember you used to be one yourself sometime ago.

Today, you could acknowledge that there are no ordinary moments in life.

Every one of them is full of possibilities, options and choices. Ordinary life, you will discover, has extraordinary potential.


May 11: If you are good with a hammer, you are likely to treat everything as if it were a nail.

We tend to rely on and, therefore, confine ourselves to what we are good at. Yet, sometimes, that is not the best approach to a situation. We need to venture into other areas too, where we might be less competent. There are many first-rate business people, for instance, who find that their business skills earn little appreciation from their family. Many profound thinkers are unable to cope with situations where speedy decisions are imperative, pondering over a problem for so long, that when they are eventually ready to take a decision, it is too late. Many a good dinner-party host has lost a great deal of money when trying to run a restaurant.

Sometimes, your best skill is not the most appropriate one for a particular situation. It would be a good idea to examine this issue today.

 

May 12: Acting as if…

An interesting experiment and a possible way to bring about change in yourself and in others is to act as if life were already just the way you wanted it to be.

Since the only thing you can hope to exercise control over is your own response to a situation (and some of us have great difficulty even doing that), its worth testing this out for a day or two to see if it makes a real difference.

 

May 13: What could you throw away?

When you spring-clean your home, you sort through old clothes you don't need and possessions you have no use for anymore and either give them away or throw them out. Though it can be a satisfying process, it's surprisingly difficult to let go of what we know we don't need.

How about doing the same in other areas of your life? What grudges or resentments could you let go of? Which ideas no longer serve you? Are there any thought-patterns you have no use for now? Try throwing them away as well.

You may have to do this kind of internal spring-cleaning more than once, because old grudges and resentments, along with behaviour patterns that are of little benefit to you have a habit of returning. But it's worth the effort. You will end up, as in the external world of material possessions, with space for things that serve you better.

 

May 14: You can be right or you can be free.

Sometimes, that’s the choice you have to deal with. Do you cling to your past beliefs, long after they have ceased to be of use to you, or do you recognize that life is a process and that your beliefs can be as subject to change as everything else?

If you hold on to your views just to prove that you’re right, you may end up being enslaved by them. This can be as true of minor opinions that may involve, for instance, your feelings about an injustice that was supposedly done to you, as of your convictions about life in general.

Always remember that neither will events change nor others behave differently to accommodate your views about them.

Work towards bringing about a change in yourself. If you are forever trapped by your demand that external factors, over which you have no control, should change to suit your convenience, you cannot describe yourself or your situation as free.

 

May 15: Is the music still in you?

It's a fascinating idea that we are all born with a purpose, that we have been sent to this world to attain a particular goal. Even if that's not how you see the world, you could spend a few minutes asking yourself what that purpose, if there was one, could be for you.

This statement then becomes a very important one:

Don't die with the music still in you.

 

May 16: What do you bring to your relationship that is unhelpful?

People are usually capable of drawing up a long list in answer to this question, for their partners, but the question here is about you.

Write down three times: "What I bring to this relationship that is unhelpful is" and complete the sentence with three different answers.

Then decide if you are willing to make changes to improve the situation.

 

May 17: Who rescued Mozart?

Mozart was a great composer, and in the opinion of many people, the greatest there ever was. The music that flowed through him seemed to be a God-given gift. As a child, he wrote music that was the envy of adults. At one point in his life, he was surrounded by admirers. The world lay at his feet.

He died virtually alone, ignored and penniless.

If no one saved Mozart from his sad fate, who do you expect will rescue you?

Perhaps, today would be an appropriate time to start working towards being your own rescuer; your waiting for someone else to turn up might just waste your life.

May 18: The wake does not drive the boat.

If you stand on the top of a cliff and look down at the sea where a fast boat is cutting across the waters, you will notice the wake spreading out like a fan behind it. If you didn't know better, you might assume that the wake itself was driving the boat. But you do know better. You are aware that the boat has an engine and a set of controls operated by a driver. The wake is just the trail left behind by the boat as it moves forward.

Substitute your life history for the boat's wake to complete the metaphor. Our past does not control or propel our life; it only seems that way sometimes.

As far as your life is concerned, you are the driver sitting at the controls. You can start the engine and choose the speed at which you want to progress and the direction you prefer to move in. You can follow a path that is based on your history. Or you can choose to do otherwise.

Your history is the trail you leave behind.

 

May 19: What assumptions am I making about a given situation?

We usually need to make a lot of assumptions in order to feel upset about something. It seems as if a part of human nature is programmed to take everything personally. But it's certainly not the best guide to clue us into a given situation.

We often assume that when other people behave in a certain manner, the reasons for their conduct are the same as those that would have motivated us, had we chosen to behave in the same way.

Perhaps, the most important thing to remember when challenging the assumptions on which our response to a given situation is based is the following: It's hardly ever about you personally.

So, here's a question to ask when someone or something pushes your buttons:

If I assume it's not about me, then what could it be about?

The answer could spare you a lot of suffering.

 

May 20: Today, you could...

Today, you could make up your mind to improve something.
It doesn't matter what. Just decide something specific that will be better by the time you go to bed.

Today, you could be creative.
You can come up with unusual options to ensure that life is closer to the way you wanted it.

Today, you could be firm in your resolve.
You could decide on something, ensure that you remain focused about it and keep going in the direction of your goal.

 

May 21: It is better to experience love than to be in the right.

Sometimes, that is the only choice you have. Facts rarely change the nature of a relationship. Being in the right rarely changes feelings. So, if you want to experience more love, both in giving and receiving it, forget who is right and concentrate on being loving.

What could you give up today to enh