If Simon Cowell was a therapist this is what he might say:-

It's OK to have an ego

It's even OK to have a big ego if you have the achievements to back it up. Be proud of what you have done so far, be confident in your judgment and don't be afraid to blow our own trumpet. But also don't exaggerate; don't use your achievements and abilities to put others down. There are some spiritual people who seem very proud of having overcome ego in their lives, they believe having an ego is something to be fought against. This whole approach is wrong. A healthy ego is just that, healthy. Don't hide your light, when you shine it helps to illuminate the world.

Life can be tough

That's just how it is and all your moaning and complaining does nothing to make it easier. What it does do is make you less powerful and less able to take action to deal with some of the setbacks life will inevitably throw at you. There are few things more pointless than just wishing things were different from how they are and expecting your wishes to have any effect. They won't. Events don't care about what you want or don't want so save your energy. The good news is that while life is tough you can be tougher. Rather than going on about the bad hand life has dealt you be inspired by the example of others to take action to improve your lot.

No one will rescue you

Some contestants are good, some are bad, some are truly terrible. What is true is that they do it on their own, any performer does and life, for all of us, is a performance. Friends and family can cheer and give encouragement from the audience, acquaintances can wish you well but ultimately you have to take responsibility for your own lives. If you are waiting for rescuer, that perfect partner, the lottery win, the promotion, stop wasting your time and start taking responsibility for yourself, your circumstances and your enjoyment of this moment.

Don't hang on to your story

We love human interest stories, they add spice to a performance. But no matter how hard the story, how difficult the past events it starts to wear thin after a couple of repetitions and get's plain boring after we have heard it three or four times. You have a history, some parts were good, some not so good. Does constantly talking about it change anything?  Do you use your history as an excuse for not taking responsibility for yourself? Many people do. You are more than your history, bigger than your past, what has happened need not determine what will happen.

There are no secrets

Life is far simpler than you might think although often difficult. Personal development experts will have you believe they have discovered the 'secret' to a different life and will share that with you, for a fee of course. Save your money, most things in life are just as they seem, if you don't treat people well you won't have many friends, if you spend more than you earn you won't get rich, if you eat too much and don't exercise you will become fat, if you don't know where you are going it's difficult to know when you have got there. You almost certainly already know answers to the issues you face so don't buy someone else's easy solution.

Don't fool yourself

There are people who sing, without being able to hold a note, who dance, with no sense of rhythm, some know they are not good at what they are doing but just want to do it, some, amazingly, don't realise how bad they are. Now take a long hard look at yourself, you might not be in front of a professional judging panel but give yourself some feedback. What do you pretend to be that you are not? What abilities do you think you have when all the evidence points to the contrary. Doing something you aren't good at just for fun is not a problem, spending your life on it is a waste.

It's OK to fail

Its fine to fail sometimes, you are not your failures any more than you are your successes so don't associate yourself too much with them. What will be remembered about you is how you made other people feel and you don't have to be a professional to give pleasure to others or to feel good about yourself. Our lives would be less interesting without people trying things they aren't good at.  If you occasionally make a fool of yourself, so what?

Honest feedback can hurt

Being told clearly but not unkindly about your weaknesses can still be painful to hear but can also be a real blessing in helping you to move on. Many people if they listened to feedback about their performances, and we are all performing, could learn to accept their limitations and get on with their lives in a more worthwhile way. Not all dreams can be fulfilled and the sooner you recognise that and give your attention to the dreams you can realise the better.

© 2017 David Mills